Why Am I Not Married?
Weddings. They are some of the most beautiful celebrations of life, and I can’t wait to have mine.
Marriage. Scares the SHIT out of me, and I am not anywhere near prepared for that. I’ve never even been in a serious relationship. Longest boyfriend, if you can call him that, lasted, what, 2 weeks in my sophomore year of college. Yeah, I’m perpetually single.
Really, I would love to have a wedding, or be a part of one, right now. Why? because I love to party, but I don’t want the actual marriage that goes with it. Just the pretty dress, the hot guy, the jewels, the food, and duh the party. Obviously, I should just have a party, and I’m not looking for the big I DO.
But, so many of my friends are either promised to someone, engaged or MARRIED, or even MARRIED…with a BABY. YIKES. Whenever I receive a new announcement for an engagement or wedding, or even baby, I get a little sick inside. One of the first guys I ever had a crush on, when I was like 5, is getting married. I remember when he said he’d marry me, and we laughed and laughed. Now he really doing it, just not to me. I don’t think he’s laughing now, he’s serious. That’s scary.
I feel OLD all of a sudden, I feel like I want to hide. I used to think I wanted to be married by the time I was 23 or 24, I thought I would be. Well I’m here. I’ll be 23 in what 2.5 months? I don’t feel anywhere near old enough for marriage, I don’t even feel 22. I feel like 19, I feel like I have sooo much time. I’m not ready to be tied down. Why are my friends getting tied down? Why are they being so serious? Why is my best guy friend buying a condo in downtown Chicago, while I’m still living with my parents and in college, with no idea what I’m going to do, I haven’t even planned for tomorrow…and I should cuz I’m competing in a pageant!!!
I just had to post about how weirded out I am right now. I just learned a friend of mine just had a baby, and he gushed over her beautiful green eyes, little mouth and hands.
I have never had sex. Never had a serious boyfriend. Babies are light-years away for me. So that’s why I’m not married, and won’t be for a long-ass time.
Don’t worry about it girl! You’re stressing too much. I’m 26 and people still say I have plenty of time. Take time to discover who you really are before you embark on that type of discovery. Really, 22 years old and freaking about not having a long term relationship? Sheesh! Just relax, don’t worry about being caught up in the game.
And by the way, the word “settling” has such negative connotations in our western culture, however, it is completely exciting and interesting when you do find that wonderful man – and, you both know who you are, yet find yourselves better people together – that’s what a life team should be. I have been engaged for two years, still no date… there’s no rush. We don’t worry about the game of society, only our own walk together with God.
I also competed in Miss USA on the local state level in Washington State last November – an incredible experience of beautifully smart, giving and positive women! I may chaparone this year, since I’m officially too old to compete.
Good luck!
Michael-Ellyn