I Have a Dog & He’s Trained Me Well.

Last Year on April 1st I brought home a tiny 2 pound puppy.  Well actually I got up really early, drove down to Arthur, IL (which is a little bit past Champaign, IL) and met a little Pomeranian boy.  He was in the corner of his breeder’s living room wrestling another pom (who was a little bigger and just sat and took it).  Once he saw me he ran over and proceeded to wrestle my foot.  After filing out the puppy paperwork and paying for my new friend, he ran away from me and hid under the couch.  That is how, Ash, named after Ash Fox from the film Fantastic Mr. Fox, (originally Boris, then Bear, then Jake and it was so hard to choose a name) and I met.


Ash is literally my best friend.  He listens to me, and I listen to him.  We talk.  Sure it took a year, but we understand each other and he really talks to me.  I understand every meaning behind every sound he makes.  It’s amazing.  From his whimpers, to his barks.  Each sound and intonation means something.  Yeah, so I studied bio so I know animals communicate, but wow its changing to experience such seamless communication with another species.


I got Ash because I was suffering, and still do suffer from depression.  And he helps a lot.  It’s difficult to admit, but I needed help and I still do.  Since 2009 a lot has happened to me that was life altering in very negative ways.  Living was becoming a burden, and by 2013 I wasn’t sure I wanted to be here anymore.  I hesitate to say I was suicidal, I don’t think I was.  What I wanted was more of a fading away.  I didn’t want to die, I don’t want anything to do with death, I just didn’t want to be.  I’m sure that makes no sense, but that’s what I felt.  Ash really helped pull me into the present, and I get up and work partly because I want to feed and care for him.  Also it’s nice having someone who loves you no matter what.  Who doesn’t see what you’ve done or haven’t accomplished.  Doesn’t care if you look nice, or if you’re black or white, who has no standards of beauty.  Who only cares that you care for them.  It’s really comforting to be able to please someone just by taking a few moments to play with them.  I wish I could take Ash everywhere with me, but I know that’s not possible (though he fits in my purse so you never know, he might just be there!)

I think everyone should have an animal.  While I favor dogs currently, I’m sure many animals can give you the same sense of wellbeing that Ash has afforded me.  So yeah, get a pet.  

On that note I’m sure many people are wondering why I went to a breeder instead of adopting.  Adoption was my first option.  I have very limited space, so I knew I wanted a small dog, and at the time I was looking, medium to large dogs where the only ones available to me.  I did meet one perfect dog, she was a Yorkie, but she wasn’t allowed to come home with me due to severe health issues.  So instead I looked into donating to her fosters, and kept looking.  I did ALOT of research before I chose a breeder, and then chose Ash.  I cannot stress research enough.  Ask questions!  Make sure you’re buying from someone who values the lives and wellbeing of their animals first and foremost!  Beware of scams!  If you ask a simple question like: “Can I meet the parents of the pups or the puppies before I buy?” and the answer is “No.” keep it moving.  Keep looking.  You will not find a puppy or dog for a cheap price.  There is no cheap price.  Even at a shelter.  Depending on breed and age EXPECT to pay at least $300 (very least plus supplies for your new friend) at a shelter.  When you go to a breeder expect much much more.  However, don’t go and pay thousands for so called “designer puppies” either.  Teacup puppies are not a real thing (Yeah they exist, but it may not be a good thing).  Healthy puppies fall into a breed standard.  So, sorry, but teacup Pomeranians are not healthy.  They are bred too small and probably come with health issues.  Poms should weigh between 4-7lbs as adults.  Ash is about 5.5-6 lbs.  So he’s at the mid range of his breed.

On top of doing research on how you’re going to obtain your pup you have to do research on your pup’s breed and dog health in general.  I can’t tell you how many books and articles and research journals I’ve read on Poms and dogs in general.  Read.  Bringing home a puppy (and maybe even an older dog) is like bringing home a baby.  You have to puppy proof things.  If they get sick you freak out, they don’t sleep through the night, and so on. Train.  Start training early, and let them know you’re the momma (or daddy or whatever) I say this even though Ash has also trained me, ha! Poms are very smart (too freaking smart) and also very agile (have you seen Jiff!  I also think a recent agility champ is a Pom) So don’t think these are just little lap dogs.  They are bred down (as in bred to be small, this is attributed to Queen Victoria) German sled dogs. SLED DOGS.  You know what else is a sled dog?  A HUSKY, which needs lots of exercise and mental stimulation.  You know what else needs exercise and mental stimulation?  A POMERANIAN.  Overall I think all dogs NEED this, but I’ll admit some breeds and some individual dogs don’t need as much.  But not Poms, and not Ash!  He loves to rip and run, and he loves high energy kids, because they laugh and run and chase like he does.  Except when he’s with my younger sister, they are sleeping buddies.  


So yeah, just thought I’d write about Ash.  Since he’s been walking across my keyboard all morning.

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If You’d Like a Good Laugh, or Righteously School Some Fools…

I came across this blog today, Chateau Heartiste.  It is hilarious.  I feel sad for the people who believe this stuff and live accordingly.  But, it is sorta funny to read the idiots who agree, I mean they’re just so far gone, you have to laugh or else cry because they’re so lost. Alas I believe that truth and good always prevail. I almost commented on a few things, but I didn’t. That kind of ignorance is so ingrained it’s better to let it fall to its own destruction, than to mire yourself in it.  Still, I thought people should know that the reason I say what is on my mind is to combat all the negativity out there like this.  



We shall prevail.

What If?…

Chicago is a wonderful city.  Although I live in the Northwest Suburbs, I know I won’t say I’m from Chicago, I like to think of Chicago as a part of my home.  We’re known worldwide for sports teams, food scene, and unfortunately our crime stats.  

In 2014, so far, 34 children have been killed out of the 218 homicides that have occurred.  Children.  Its sad, very sad.  In my opinion this is a problem for all of us.  No matter where we live.  Even if it is the NW suburbs or the California coast.  In fact, I think as a human being we should be concerned with the atrocities that occur all over the world.  However, I do think it is important to tackle things at home before we can aid others.  (Still, in saying that I believe that aiding humanity is a very personal choice, and you have to assist where your heart leads you.)

I’m no sociologist.  I studied molecular biology and art history in college, I don’t claim to know the statistics or the science behind social problems.  I just have my own ideas and opinions based on my limited knowledge of the crimes happening in Chicago.

The shootings in Chicago are ridiculous.  You have these young teens and young adults shooting at each other, missing their targets, and hitting innocent bystanders most of the time.  Because they have this idiotic rationale.  In their minds they’re being men.  They’re being hard.  In my mind they’re weak.  Anyone can shoot and kill with a gun, a two year old can.  It’s not macho, its not manly, its not gangster.  Its weak.  I do not promote or encourage violence, but if I had to get my revenge on someone to keep my reputation I’m doing it with my bare hands.  Because that would take grit and physical strength.  Forget guns, I’m ripping your face off with my hands, popping your eyeballs out with my thumbs, and immobilizing you with precise blows to your kidneys.  Done.  That’s hardcore.

But I digress.  I don’t want to change the type of violence going down in Chicago, I want to end it. I’ve always liked the proverb “It takes a village to raise a child.” In my mind that means we need community.  I’m not saying parents should rely solely on schools and others to monitor and care for their children and shirk their own responsibility.  NO.  I’m saying communities need to be built in these areas of high crime and every person living there needs to feel personally responsible for the state of safety in their community and for the safety of each other.  

How do we build this sense of responsibility and in turn community?  I think by having community programs, and I have one that I just made up, that I think can address some of the issues in these dangerous areas.

My idea is of a womb to grave program.  I know that sounds morbid.  I don’t have a name yet, but hear me out.  Children who have good prenatal care, born healthy, kept healthy and lead healthy lifestyles are more likely to have better school attendance and performance.  People don’t realize this correlation often.  One of the difficulties in these areas is access to basic things like healthy food.  There are tons of fast food places, and convenience stores, but no fresh foods.  These are food deserts.  I believe Mayor Emmanuel has started initiatives to combat food deserts, but that’s not what I want to do, because not only do I want to combat the food desert; I also want to build that sense of responsibility I was talking about earlier.

Okay.  Gangs.  Gangs are substitute families.  You found or were pressured in to a group of people who say they’ll protect you, who give you a sense of purpose, something to be loyal to.  To ride or die for.  I want to replace gangs with something positive.  Something that these endangered youths can make a life from.  Something that will replace gang structure, eradicate food deserts, and create a sense of responsibility. 

City Gardens.  My idea is creating community gardens.  I’m sure that sounds really simple, and naive.  But I’ve been dreaming about this, and even when I tell myself you’re silly, everyone will think that’s silly, something keeps nagging me telling me to just say it out loud and maybe try it.  Research it, implement it.

Why City Gardens?  I love gardening. I’m good at it.  I’ve provided food for my family from it.  It’s saved us money.  It teaches responsibility for another form of life, it instils an awe for nature and the outdoors.  It calms the soul, and its productive.  It takes time.  It makes fresh food available in areas where there is none.  

Now I’m not just saying throw some seeds in the ground and lets go.  No. That won’t work, there has to be incentives.  Incentives for families and individuals.  One obvious idea is college credit, free college credit for working in the gardens.  The University of Illinois already has an agricultural extension program in existence, with some modification or expansion of this program participants of a certain age and up can acquire credit and eventually use those credits towards completing a degree of their choice.

For families working in the the garden, having at least one member of your family working in the garden entitles you to an amount of free produce.

In the garden you’ll learn skills that will last forever, not just how to raise plants, but also how to cook those plants, sell them, turn them in to other products for use and to sell.  In these classes you’ll meet people you live with, befriend them, care for them.  Also the money made from the garden will go back directly to the community and families in the community. 

The gardens would also be complete safe zones for a specific radius.  A No-Tolerance, Gun free, Gang activity free zone.

I also want to incorporate The Garden Cup.  Since each community has a garden.  They can compete against each other and acquire points for different achievements, including impacting crime in their area, innovations, academic achievements, and more. (Yes I ripped off the House Cup from Harry Potter, I love Harry Potter ok, and competition gives people a common goal, we all wanted to squish Slytherin. Even though on Pottermore, I got sorted in to Slytherin like 5 times          -____- )

The reason I see this a womb to grave program (for lack of a better term) is that this isn’t just a youth program.  This is for everyone and anyone.  The program allows mothers to get healthy food during their pregnancy and after for their children.  Children are instilled with a love for learning in the garden from an early age.  Hello gardening is science! Classes for Kids! There is so much freaking science in the garden! From genetics to physics! And you can eat it! Teens can earn credits, meet other teens and start making money!  Adults can also earn credits and learn to make extra funds for their families.  Elders, can share their wisdom, get outdoors, get gentle exercise, and pick up new a skill.  Its the circle of life.   

I know this is a simple outline of a plan.  It is also a simple solution to a complex, dangerous, scary, sad situation.  But it’s my contribution, my idea, and I’d like to take steps to implement it.  I’m not sure how yet.  To be honest I’m scared to, and I don’t know where to start.  But at least getting it out in the open, instead of just in my head it a small step.

eBay Sellers Beware!!!

I recently sold an iPad mini on eBay.  I’ve sold things before like my old iPod touch and a few other things.  My mini went for a good amount of money and I was excited.  As a young woman always trying to make ends meet I was proud of myself for being so resourceful and independent.  However, the excitement wore off…

About a full week after the buyer received my item, it (I’m referring to them as it because this person doesn’t really deserve my referring to them as a person at all)  claimed they received the item completely smashed to pieces.

‘What!?!’ went through my mind, but after the shock wore off I began to wonder why? 1. The packaging was undamaged. Completely. Intact.  2. It took it a week to let me know it was damaged. 3. I packaged that iPad so well I could have mailed a baby and it would have gotten there safely. 4. I trust no one.

If you don’t know eBay has a great protection set-up for buyers…and close to NONE for sellers.  I, being the painfully honest thing that I am, even when, as a buyer, I received an item not exactly up to snuff have not used the buyer protection because I wanted to make sure I respected it and used it only when something outrageous and seriously fraudulent happened to me.  So it NEVER occurred to me that anyone would ever take advantage of buyer protection.  Yet, this thing did.

So now this hardworking girl is S.O.L and just lost a whopping wad of cash and her property was willfully damaged by an evil thing.  I will not post this evil thing’s name or address. But I do think eBay sellers should have access to a database of usernames collected to be wary of.

So I am going to start one.  Seriously.  If you are an eBay seller contact me.  I want to work with you guys who are honest sellers.  Together I want us to start this database other sellers can reference to help protect themselves.  Or if you already know of such posting let me know so I can add this slore’s username to it.

Thank You


There is a place where bad buyers are listed!!! Woot! It’s HERE! Also the username of the bad buyer that scammed me is nancyleegnecco.  Beware!!!

Thinking Tuesday

I think a lot.  Unfortunately, this is not something I enjoy all the time.  My mind is nearly it’s own person, going on when I wish it would not.  Today, however, it’s okay.

I know that Science and Religion have a history of not getting along, but I was wondering why? Then I wondered, if they do get along just fine, and if it is US with the problem.  I think it is us.  First off, I thought about something I heard along the lines of “Separation is one of the biggest Illusions.” For example the idea of race, which separates humanity into groups based on color of skin, when in reality we really are just one species.  Then earlier today I came across Richard Dawkins’ website.  He is an Atheist, who is a proponent for rational thinking, human rights, and is against religious fundamentalism.

Then I thought about myself.  I am a human, humans are not rational unless we strive to be. I love science.  I love God.  I am for human rights, and against oppression and irrational thinking.

The reason I love God is personal.  I know that I cannot run a test to prove God’s existence.  I wish I could.  My life’s testimony is weird.  I think If I were to share why I believe in God so strongly both sides of the religious v. non-religious debate would think I was nuts.  Basically very specific things have happened to me that neither side can explain.  As a scientist (molecular biologist) I wrote these events down when they happened, as they happened. I am not proud of these events nor pleased they happened. Even my being insane doesn’t explain them away.  But their happening is part of what supports my faith.

I think God is really big.  I think the more we learn more about our world doesn’t negate the existence of God, but forces us to see God on grander more powerful scale.  Honestly, I think each side has it wrong.  I think Religious Traditionalists try too hard to make everything fit what they think God is and should be, not realizing that God is not confined by the little we know of Him.  I think Atheists have it wrong, wrong and boring, and the Atheists who push not-believing are just as horrid as Christians who push a certain way of believing.

I just think we’re all wrong.  So wrong. Still I think it’s very simple, but I don’t think the majority of people will ever get it.  Limits.  We just need to stop setting limits around God and around the truth of what is and can be.  But that is hard.  It’s hard to see everything as working together and being meant, because it’s too perfect.  I’m being serious. It’s too perfect and that is scary.  It’s scary to me at least.

For me, I have Faith period.  I don’t see the point in not having it, and it doesn’t restrict me from being rational when I try to be, nor does it mean that I am crazy, nor does it require me to dismiss anything scientific. For me my love for science started with God.  I think if I wasn’t a Christian I wouldn’t have delved into studying biology they way I did, I think I would have just stuck with dance or something more artistic. The more I learn the more I marvel, and the more I find myself thinking about God.  I dunno.  I know my words here don’t reflect all that I’ve been thinking today and recently, and they don’t sound very intelligent. I’m rambling.  Everything inside me is just going so fast and I’ve been so distressed lately it’s hard to put everything I feel and think down so that it makes any sense to anyone.

I don’t think the debate will ever end though.  I think it may change over time but in essence never end, not until everything is revealed.  Which is all I’m counting on.

Virgins are Sluts Too!

At least that’s what Rush Limbaugh thinks.

In from 2007-2009 a virgin at the University of Illinois was on a contraceptive called Lybrel which allowed her to have no period during that time in order to prevent any more cysts from forming on her ovaries…

That virgin was me. However I must have been a prostitute since my pills were paid for by my family’s insurance. Apparently according to Limbaugh I must also make and give my family the sex tapes I owe them for being covered under the insurance my mother pays for.

I think Limbaugh is a joke. If any one is a slut it’s him. Let’s ask how many women he’s been with. Let’s ask what are his medical credentials that allow him to blanket all women who take contraceptives as sluts. So according to Dr. Limbaugh if you have ovaries, are in danger of ovarian cancer or scar tissue, waited until marriage to have sex but aren’t ready for children or don’t want more, have a hormone imbalance, or precocious puberty and take a contraceptive to aid your healing…you are a slut and would like to be paid by your public or private insurance to have sex.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone…Limbaugh you must be the second coming… (rolls eyes)

I like this comment by Santorum “He’s being absurd. But that’s, you know, an entertainer can be absurd.”

Exactly, Limbaugh is less legitimate than Justin Biber would be as a voice for or on any political group or issue. In fact I’d put more stock in anything Biber would say on any issue than Limbaugh.

Limbaugh is more of a character than Steven Colbert and I believe he also has less influence on American minds, especially younger intelligent minds. If anything Limbaugh’s outrageous comment is proof that he’s aware of his dimming influence and legitimacy. Americans and especially the GOP should just nod and smile whenever he speaks and not hear a word. Treating him like the ranting old man who’s nonsensical words add up to nothing down the street. Pull financial support from him and soon he’ll be either dead or in a home far from our ears.

Say it Ain’t Science!

This morning I woke up thinking about how I love the word “insolence” but I hate the Guerlain parfume of the same name.  Why? BECAUSE IT’S STUPID! No really it is…insolence is basically rudeness…why would I want to smell like rudeness!?! So anyway I started googling why Guerlain did this terrible thing to humanity, because maybe they had a legitimate reason, and I found out there’s a blog called Respectful Insolence (oxymoron if there ever was…) where this guy talks about actress Mayim Bialik who was Blossom and is now on the Big Bang Theory.  Bialik who holds a PhD in neuroscience has some…shall we say alternative…ways to living and raising her children.  All of which I don’t care about.  What I did care about was this term the writer of this blog kept using, “Woo” and how he referred to some of Bialik’s beliefs as woo, and also how he essentially called Bialik ignorant of areas of science outside neuroscience because she failed to realize there’s no controversy among scientists about the safety of vaccines…

“Oh really?” Said my brain…I’m pretty sure we read something about vaccines and about how pain is experienced in the brain, me, and a whole lotta other scientific stuff that we can write about and stick to this Insolent Scientist dude…

yeah uh…me and my brain have talks…this was actually our second discussion before 8 am.

You can read the original blog post of this dude here: http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2012/02/say_it_aint_so_amy_farrah_fowler.php

So I commented on the blog, and here’s what I said:

Ok, so I’m new to this term “woo” I studied Molecular Bio in college, but woo isn’t something I’m familiar with, the term that is, but I deducted what it refers to. Anyway, if it’s what I think it is I hate woo…

However, I also hate when people get smacked on. Now I don’t agree with Ms. Bialik’s style of child rearing, It’s scary, but I do think some comments and assumptions of the blog author’s were a bunch of smack.

First one:

“So, ladies, suffer! It’s “natural.” And, remember, just like The Secret, wishing makes it so! Or, if all else fails, use homeopathy. You’ll get the same results.”

I have to say it’s not a good thing that our western culture is more prescriptive than preventative. Pain is not always a bad thing or neccessarily suffering, and introducing foreign chemicals into your system should not be the first choice if pain is something that can be tolerated. I dunno I’m still young, and learning but I just try and limit what meds I put in my body, not woo, just realizing that my body is a complex biochemical machine and what ever substance I put in it interacts with the substances that are naturally there in ways I’m only beginning to understand. So if I was to give birth, ouch, I would opt for natural…UNLESS something serious is going on (and that’s where medicine should come in when there’s a problem, and pain is not a problem for everyone. I can handle pain), if not I don’t mind being in pain as long as that pain isn’t indicating something more serious than the fact my vagina is being ripped from the size of a dime hole to the size of watermelon one…like I said I can HANDLE pain. Some women can’t. So for them the pain is a problem and should be addressed however they want, it’s not woo, just preference.

Also her words “and the greatest power of all: the power of my mind to force out the notion that pain with purpose – labor — is something to fear.”

That’s totes (short for totally) NOT the secret, nor is it wishing the pain away. I mean come on…seriously!?! Have you NEVER psyched yourself out before embarking on something??? Oh yeah getting pumped before a big game if you’re an athlete, or calming yourself prior to a stage performance if you’re an actor, or listening to gangster rap before an olympic swim meet if you’re Michael Phelps…that’s sooo wishing the pain away. NOPE that’s getting ready to conqure whatever you’re up against. It hurts to swim fast, climb tall rocks, forget a line on stage, and to get tackled on the field, but if you fear those things you’re gonna be so scared you’re just gonna fumble and suck it up anyway cause your body’s all pumped with adrenaline and you’re all shaking and crap. DUH. Sorry if I’m not more eloquent for you, but getting your head in the game goes across all boards…even childbirth, it is not woo, it’s what people do. HECK, I’m only 21*  and I’m psyching myself out for that painful day I have kids now…why? Cause I know that’s how much its gonna suck, and it’s gonna suck more if my head’s not ready. Plus doctor’s don’t always give you pain meds even if you BEG for them during labor. Why? Epidurals numb the crap outta your lower body…then you can’t push, I was in the room with a friend when she got told that…real talk. She had to grin and bear it. In fact I might stab myself in a few minutes to build up a tolerance to pain and do it every so often to prepare for giving birth…kidding…sorta.

On to the next one…

“No, actually, there isn’t. At least, there isn’t a scientific controversy about vaccines. Unfortunately, even with her PhD in neuroscience, Mayim Bialik is apparently incapable of of figuring that out.”

Whoa…did I miss something. I am only a kid in college. But didn’t vaccines given to infants born during 1989-2001 have mercury in them? Isn’t mercury bad? If not, then why they take it out in ’01? And if it isn’t a controversy…shouldn’t it be? Oh yeah, and I’m not gonna lie, I was FREAKED out when I got my flu-shot this year when I had to consent to being given a vaccine that has contains mercury or traces of it. Honestly I don’t know why I got it, cause I was freaked…but my mom (And obviously we can’t listen to those…what was I thinking?) made me…’rents pay the bills.

WAIT, what about Helen Ratajczak’s article in the Journal of Immunotoxicology, “Theoretical aspects of autism: Causes–A review.” CBS news in May 2011 reported: “Ratajczak did what nobody else apparently has bothered to do: she reviewed the body of published science since autism was first described in 1943. Not just one theory suggested by research such as the role of MMR shots, or the mercury preservative thimerosal; but all of them.” (including the fact that vaccines contain human DNA)


So I guess that’s not science…that’s woo…and you’re right it’s not controversy if no one else bothers to look at anything as extensively as Ratajczak has; and everyone knows when you’re extensively researching something alone, you’re just a crazy person WOOing yourself in a mirror…see what I did there.

BUT wait…you have to read the whole CBS news article…omg…its like this Ratajczak is arguing with this guy from some college called the Universtiy of Pennslyvania, Dr. Strom who served with the Institute of Medicine. He like totally knew about the mercury in vaccines but like totes didn’t know about the human DNA that’s put in vaccines…so yeah like he tried to like dismiss Ms. Ratajczak’s work…but like then he was like “Oh…DNA…yeah I didn’t know about the DNA” Then when CBS news asked the CDC to comment on disproving the links between Autism and vaccines the CDC was all like “comprehensive review by CDC…would take quite a bit of time.” so I was like “ooooooh snap! Controversy!” But what’s drama to me is not drama to everyone else…I mean I got hyped up when NOVA called out the History Channel.

So that’s all that bothered me…otherwise…I don’t really care about this Neuroscientist actress or that the way she raises her kids is a bit odd…except that I’m totes jeals (totally jealous) that she’s on TV.

*btw I am 21 somewhere inside…my life…deep down…ok whatever I lie about my age always, next week I’ll be 13…then later 108 give a girl a break. Point is I look ageless so I can be however old I want!

Had a bad day…

So remember yesterday I posted I was gonna write about living with adhd?

Well let’s call today day one. I woke up got dressed and headed to my car  for work. My car didn’t start. But no panic. I was a little early so I decided to get a jump and be on my merry way. No! So then I panicked. I am, as I wait for my ride, currently panicking.

I thought my new job was a Godsend. But then a series of unfortunate events have occurred keeping me from my job. Not to mention, my new job schedule is not compatible with my current weekend only job. So I’ve been stressed and hard pressed to fit the two together. But seeing as it’s mandatory to work weekends at this new job Somethings gotta give.

I dunno just having a hard time adjusting I guess. A hard unlucky time…

Not sure how this fits in with my symptoms at all, but as an ADHD-er adjusting and hitting the ground running is not my strong point…